I got scared to share.
And it’s not because something happened. In fact, nothing happened. But I just got scared to share my thoughts online because I had a random fear of people criticising and coming up with their own theories to why and what I had written. So, I just didn’t feel like sharing my writing anymore.
I left my blog in silence, but I was still so actively writing down my thoughts and stories on my laptop. There are almost 10 drafts in my folder. Most unfinished, some with just a sentence written, but they were all waiting to be published.
I kept saying “I’ll put them up in my blog. Someday, but just not today.”
Guess what? That “someday” has taken up six months.
I think it would’ve taken more than six months if I hadn’t gone through the 18-hour devastation when my files got corrupted in my pendrive two weeks ago. I thought I lost all my drafts (because I didn’t backup my files) and I started to regret not putting them on my blog when I had the chance. At least, I wouldn’t have lost so many drafts.
Lucky enough, I got back my files in their original state!!!! Man, I started clapping as soon as I saw familiar words on my Microsoft Word documents! I was just so darn happy and relieved.
So, I guess this is a sign for me to stop keeping those 10 drafts as just drafts. I’m sure the 17-year-old Jaclyn didn’t create a blog just for me to stop posting because I (suddenly) got scared.
But this is not all I have to say.
Fear is real and intimidating. But fear is also self-built.
I was scared out of nothing and that’s just so silly to realize. And this little fear had me go through those hours of devastation, all because I kept drafts after drafts hidden away from my blog.
Everyone will always have something to say about things you do. It’s just for you to decide if you value your own thoughts higher than what others have to say about you. But the biggest thought for you to realise is this - they might not even be doing what you’re thinking they’re doing. They probably couldn't even care less.
Your fear is all self-built.
Fear shouldn’t shy you away from doing things, but it should instead make you want to do things even more. Fear should drive motivation. There are plenty of “What Ifs” in the world and I've had my fair share of "What Ifs". They were not pretty.
"Live a life full of 'oh wells' than 'what ifs'." - Corey LaBarrie
(But of course, please don’t do things mindlessly okay!)
If you’re still waiting on something you’ve been wanting to do for a while now but you have aplenty of self-built fearful thoughts, I just have one question for you.
Is it going to be -
You > Them
or
Them > You?
You choose.
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