A Bunch Too Many "What Ifs"

I ask myself a bunch too many ‘what ifs’ every day. Not just any ordinary “what ifs” to caution me from any mistakes, but usually, the ones that elevate your anxiety more than where it was. The ones that get you frustrated, and the ones that would dim down your hopeful heart.

I’d have a rough few minutes picturing those ‘what ifs’. Then, I’m all good again. Thoughts are ignored and pushed aside, but not completely gone.

Things have been too good to be true for me these days. I’m getting chances after chances and graces after mistakes. I have a rush of feelings that are all just so unrecognizable and unfamiliar to me; things that I have not experienced in a long time, and things that I would not have guessed would come so soon.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m thankful to God every day for the many good things. I’m blessed enough for the good things that are happening to me, there’s not a day I don’t sleep with a thankful heart and a smile on my face.

But I doubt.

I doubt the intention behind the good things, I doubt the genuine actions of people, and I doubt that things come without a price. Certainly, things are not/should not be as easy as they would be. I just didn’t want to be a naive little girl.

What more as a person who creates and writes, of course, I’d make things worse with my imagination. There was constant self-doubt, so it naturally fed into the constant imaginaries I create in my mind. What can I say? It’s one of the perks of being a “writer”.

But I’m just so tired of the “what ifs”. They are just so stupid and self-indulgent.

There are always going to be a dumb bunch of “what ifs” playing its existence. There will always be a lingering thought of the worst that might happen. It’s a natural instinct to protect yourself by predicting the unimaginable. But what if… the “what ifs” don’t happen?

Just, what if, the forces of the fates decide to pull you towards the daydreams you have been silently wishing for?

What if?

Not every good thing is always followed by a bad thing, you know? Things may seem shady, but you’ll know the danger when it nears. So in the meantime, why not just believe that you truly deserve that one good thing?

Take the good thing as what it is and enjoy the smiles it brings you. Trust me, you’d want to enjoy it as much as you can. Good things have their expiry dates too.

Stop questioning the good but rather, start accepting that you deserve every single good thing that comes your way.

‘Cause… it’s the least you could do for yourself.